Healing
by kaonashikokoro
Summary: Near has always been bullied by Mello. He doesn't know how to deal with it, so he takes it out on himself. Rated M for self-harm, suicide, language and later chapters. I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE If I did this would not be an anime suited for public television. (. .)


Near fell to the ground as he was pushed, not making a sound. Mello and his friends laughed at him as he lay there. Mello kicked him in the ribs repeatedly. He knew he was going to at least bruise him. "Guys, a teacher's coming!" one of the boys exclaimed. They all ran off, leaving Near on the floor. Near lay there as Roger walked by. "Near? What happened?" Roger asked him. "I fell." Near said, starting to get up, but failing. "Here, let me help you." Roger helped him up and escorted him to his room. Near thanked him, then went inside his room and shut the door.

Near limped over to his closet, where there was a mirror inside. He lifted up his shirt to see the damage. Bruises were already forming on his pale torso. He sighed and opened a drawer and brought out his razor blade. He sat in the corner, rolling up his sleeves to reveal cuts and scars all up his arms. There were so many they were overlapping each other. He just sat and stared at them for awhile.

He took the blade and drew it across his left wrist. _You're fucking worthless, you piece of shit. Why do you keep living? Just kill yourself already! _The voices in his head whispered to him and he pressed the blade deeper, cringing. "Stop," Near whispered in a tight voice. "Just go away..."

He cut his wrist more and more. Drawing vertical lines up his forearm, he said "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..." He didn't know exactly who it was directed to. He just hated everything at that moment. He wanted to die. He knew his time would be up soon, he couldn't take it anymore. With his last cut for the day he cut too deep and whimpered in pain. He watched the blood flow out of the seperated porcelain skin.

He just sat there, feeling strangely relaxed and somewhat sedated. He decided he better clean himself up before he stained the floor. He picked himself up, with the help of the wall. He took some bandages out of his first aid kit and wrapped them around his arm and taped them. He put his things away, walked over to his bed and fell asleep.

Near woke up, and it was already dark out. He internally sighed; he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. But then again, when does he ever? He got up, rolled up his sleeves and unwrapped the bandages. He saw that the cuts haven't even started to scab up. He wrapped them back up, grabbed his puzzle and made his way to the common room.

The room was empty, just as Near expected. Everyone was at dinner. Near went and sat next to one of the walls and worked on his plain white puzzle.

It was after dinner, and the kids were starting to fill the common room. They all gave him the usual glance, and went back to playing with their friends. Near ignored them all. He was focused on his puzzle, and he knew that's all he needed.

He looked up to see Mello and Matt looking at him, talking. Mello smirked at him, then walked away with Matt. Near knew what they were talking about. Mello was telling him how he kicked his ass earlier. Near didn't know if Matt liked him or not. Since he's always with Mello, he obviously doesn't talk to Near. But, Matt always seemed to give him a sympathetic glance after Mello's antics.

After about 30 minutes, Near finished his puzzle. He looked up to see that most of the children were gone from the common room. He put his puzzle back in its box, then made his way back to his room.

He set the puzzle in the corner of his room, then sat on his bed. He let out a long sigh. Today was horrid. Shit. Just like every other day. He wanted to cry. But somehow, he can't. After so many nights of crying alone in his room, he just can't do it anymore. He scrathed a bit at his arm. It itched. It stung. His head hurt. They wouldn't leave him alone. 'They will never leave me alone...', Near thought to himself. He laid down, and tried to go to sleep.

After drifting off into sleep over and over again, he decided to just go and shower. He looked at the clock in his room. 11:54 pm. 'Most of the kids should be in their rooms by now...' He thought. He grabbed a towel from his closet, and left his room to go to the boys bathroom on his floor.

When he got to the bathroom, he went into one of the stalls to turn the shower on. Hot. After waiting for the water to heat up, he stripped and stepped into the hot shower. He felt the water tap against his feet, and run through his hair. Near loved showers. For some reason, they reminded him that he's alive. He exists. But soon, his thoughts were interrupted by the sharp pain at his arm. It stung. Badly. 'I shouldn't of cut that deep. I deserve it though...' he thought to himself. Near started to wash his hair, rubbing the shampoo into his snowball hair.

Then his arm started stinging even WORSE. The soap from the shampoo got into his cuts, and they started bleeding again. The blood ran down his arm and onto the bathroom floor. He didn't care though. It will just run down the drain.

"What the fuck? Are you okay?" Near heard a voice outside of the stall. He turned around to see a pair of feet standing outside the stall. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just cut myself shaving," Near stuttered. 'Wow, fucking stupid. GUYS DON'T SHAVE.'

"Hahaha, alright man." the voice said. Near rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, turned the water off and dried his hair and body with his towel. He then stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around his body.

"Near? What are you doing shaving? I always knew you were a fag!" Mello laughed at him. Near tried to push past him to the door so he could go back to his room. "Where do you think you're going faggot?" Mello said, intimidatingly. Near didn't say anything. Just stared at the ground with his emotionless face.

"Don't you know it's rude to ignore people?" Mello said with a push to Near's shoulder. Near didn't even flinch. He just stared towards the floor.

Mello pushed him again, up against the wall. "You really love to be a little bitch, don't you?" He said to him. He punched Near in the cheek. Near flew against the wall. He punched him again, and again. The pain was finally taking its toll on Near. With another punch, Near's towel fell. Near quickly tried to grab for it, but Mello was too fast. Mello whipped him with the towel. Welts were starting to form on Near's thin body. _You deserve this._

Near tried to cover himself, but soon realized that his cuts were probably showing. Mello was about to whip him again, but then he saw.

"What the fuck? What are all those cuts there for?" He asked. Near didn't respond. He was ashamed, embarassed, and hurt. He didn't dare look at Mello. "Near..." Mello started. Near hesitantly looked up at Mello.

"I always knew you were a freak."

Near snatched his towel and ran from the bathroom.


End file.
